Covert incest

Covert incest, emotional incest , and psychic incest are terms used to describe situations between relatives, usually parents and children, in which there is no actual sexual contact, but rather, an inappropriate emotional relationship with sexual undertones. An example is that of a parent who interacts with his or her child in the same way as he or she would with a sexual partner, without actually engaging in sexual activity with the child.

Problems between parents often facilitate covert incest; as the parents distance themselves from each other both physically and emotionally, one parent may begin focusing on his/her child. The child becomes the surrogate partner. and the child becomes relied upon as the parent's source of emotional support. The relationship then progresses into the sexual realm. Many times the other parent is aware of the inappropriate relationship, but does nothing about it.

Common examples of covert incest
Unlike overt incest, covert incest refers to a wide range of behaviors and hence is difficult to quantify. Some common examples include


 * Constant, uncomfortable attention (e.g., constant barrages of "I love my little princess").


 * Inappropriate questions and discussions regarding the child's emerging sexuality.


 * Discussions regarding the child's physical appearance in a sexual context.


 * Deliberate nudity in the child's presence.


 * Covert and/or overt viewing of the child when s/he is bathing, dressing, etc.
 * Leaving pornography around the house.

Psychological impact
Many times, the sexually charged behavior from the parent accompanies the crossing of emotional boundaries with the child. The child becomes the parent's confidant; for example, the parent may discuss his or her own sex life or other personal matters with the child. The parent may also become extremely jealous and possessive of the child, attempting to limit the child's interactions with other adults or friends the child's own age. In essence, in the parent's eyes the child exists primarily for the benefit of that parent. The child often also adopts that line of thinking, and the emotional aspect of the relationship may continue on into the victim's adulthood; the adult continues to assent to the parent's constant demands for attention. When questioned by others, the adult often acknowledges that the parent is demanding and speaks strangely about personal issues, but justifies the parent's behavior by pointing out the the parent raised him or her, and provided a loving upbringing. It is common for a victim who has reached adulthood to suffer from sexual dysfunction, difficulty in establishing/maintaining healthy relationships, feelings of inadequacy and confusion over personal needs.

Legality
As noted above, covert incest refers to a wide variety of behaviors, some of which are prohibited by criminal statutes. For instance, in most American states it is illegal to expose oneself to a child (provided the exposure is for sexual gratification) or provide pornography to a child. Many other incestuous-related behaviors are not criminal, as such laws would be unworkable. As an example, asking one's daughter health-related questions about her menstruation is certainly acceptable, whereas repeated, uncomfortable questioning about it is not. It is difficult to quantify the intent of the parent's questions and equally difficult to draft a law delineating an objective threshold where legitimate questions turn to abuse. Similar problems would arise in attempting to forbid inappropriate questions about a child's sexual interest, or the use of sexual terms in the child's presence.

Covert incest in popular culture
In an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit called "Secrets," Dr. Bennett Alston describes covert incest to Det. Odafin Tutuola and Det. John Munch. While investigating the murder of a highly respected teacher, it is discovered that the teacher was a sex addict and would engage in sex with random strangers she found on the Internet. Her sexual addiction was attributed to her childhood experiences of covert incest, and her dedication to her students was deemed to be her way of compensating for the shame she felt as a result of it.