Mort Goldman

Mort Goldman is a fictional character on the FOX animated television series Family Guy. He is voiced by John G. Brennan.

Family
Mort is a middle-aged Jewish pharmacist who runs Goldman's Pharmacy. He is married to Muriel Goldman, whose physical appearance is uncannily close to Mort, and he is the father of Neil Goldman. He thinks his son is ugly, as seen when Meg goes around asking people if they would kiss Neil. He is the most disgusted of everyone asked, even asking Meg "What's the matter with you? Ugh!" Although it should be noted that he may simply be disgusted that someone would ask him if he would like to kiss his own son.

Personality
Mort's defining characteristics are his whiny neuroticism, his chronic hypochondria, his wimpy attitude, and his general dweebishness. Mort and Muriel are both Jewish (which has been mentioned several times and which is further proven when he asks Lois if he can borrow a cross without "the little fellow" on it). They met each other via a video dating service, despite them having their first kiss at age 14 while both of them were suffering from a headcold. The Goldman family lives in a well-appointed suburban house, while Mort's pharmacy appears to be in downtown Quahog. Mort has terrible social skills, frequently discussing in great detail his various disgusting (and probably imaginary) maladies and childhood bullying in otherwise polite conversation. For example, his former bullies would call him "tasty cakes" and shove pinecones up his ass. Despite his timid nature, Mort has several enemies. One is the Black Knight who frightens him out of a jousting competition. He gets him back by stealing his car, which results in the Black Knight losing. Mort also has bad relations with the Greased Up Deaf Guy, who runs around Mort's pharmacy and "touches all the candy." Mort gets rid of him by chasing him away with a broom.

Appearance & Health
Mort has curly red hair and a receding hairline. He wears thick horn-rimmed glasses and has three "buck teeth". The buck teeth appear to be the result of orthodontic work; Neil reveals that he himself had this done in "The Kiss Seen Around the World." Mort's biggest achievement so far has been bowling a perfect game. He did so despite losing control of his bladder due to the pressure of the situation, leading him to remark that he should have clothespinned the end of his penis, as suggested by Muriel. In "Mr. Saturday Knight," it was implied either he has a small penis or is impotent (possibly both), something of which he is chronically insecure. The impotent theory is supported by his statement "I look forward to having a raging semi," when about to view pornography.

Trivia

 * Mort is revealed to be a Jim Croce fan when he is seen in the episode "Ready, Willing, and Disabled" singing along to Croce's 1973 hit "I Got A Name."
 * Peter expresses a hatred for Mort's need to borrow most of his things all the time in the episode "No Meals on Wheels". To get back at him, he builds a "Scarejew" (merely a scarecrow resembling Adolf Hitler). He falls for it, running off screaming and shouting to protect Jon Stewart.
 * The voice Brennan uses for Mort is exactly the same as Sol Rosenberg, his Jerky Boys character.